we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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