That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
