he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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