You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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