She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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