I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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