Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
