my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
