we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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