the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
