I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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