Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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