well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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