This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
