I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
