I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
