Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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