You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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