so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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