Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
