You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
