Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
