Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
