I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
