dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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