Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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