bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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