More tranny stories later!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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