yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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