Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
