Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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