Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
