apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
