Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
