you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
