I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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