Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
