You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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