I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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