It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
