Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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