I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm going to jail i love you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
