the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
