I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize