Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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