y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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