mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
