I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
