no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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