He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
