He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
