DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need a beard to bite.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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