Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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