Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
