the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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