i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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