So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think i got beer on your cat.
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