Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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