she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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