Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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